There are a lot of misconceptions that come with the word "Co-dependence." It isn't just about romantic relationships or bad relationships, it's about the relationship you have with yourself. Codependency comes in lots of forms, but it always consists of putting others before caring for yourself. Comedienne Whitney Cummings puts it perfectly in an essay she wrote for Lenny Letter on the subject. Here is an excerpt from the article:
Whitney Cummings: Miss Codependence
"Hi, my name is Whitney, and I'm really nice.
I'm nervous writing this essay. I'm terrified you may not like it. What if I waste your time? What if you don't think I'm funny? What if you think it's boring, or, God forbid, not as good as the other letters on Lenny? What if you don't "like" it on social media? What if you leave a mean comment?
It's only recently that I've learned to coach myself through this self-abuse: "Whit, you'll survive even if some random stranger thinks this sucks." That coaching of my inner monologue is a daily course correction I do because I have a "disease" called codependence. DOWN BOYS! When my therapist first suggested that I was codependent, I was confounded because I wasn't dating anyone. I thought it meant you were in a bad relationship with someone else, when it really means you're in a bad relationship with yourself. That's how misused the term is, much like "genius," "hilarious," and "starving." A simple definition is that codependents can't tolerate the discomfort of others.
In a 12-step meeting for codependence, I once heard a man say, "In this program, we are pathologically thoughtful and obsess over other people's problems to avoid our own." I got a pit in my stomach because I felt like he had been reading my journal. How did he know that I was obsessed with solving other people's problems while my own life was a scalding-hot mess? I couldn't stop buying people overpriced candles, yet I had not paid my rent. Did he know I was giving people numbers of doctors and therapists I myself wasn't going to? And helping people through breakups while I couldn't make time for myself to floss?change my behavior and dysmorphic perceptions. I had to roll up my sleeves and rewire my brain."
In our Women's Codependency Group, we believe that healing comes from awareness, acceptance and change. Stop the maddening cycle by coming to our meetings every Thursday at 6:30 where you can talk and share. Start loving yourself!
